Ever since Feb 25th, I've been having dreams and nightmares about us. Even tho you are the enemy and there is no "us," in my dreams there still is. I go to bed late and wake up early from these dreams. It's become a ritual. I go to bed, dream, wake up several times and then just finally say fuck it and get up between 1 and 3am. Then I put on some music and have my coffee. I'm sick of these dreams. Maybe when I move on, like I'm trying my hardest to, they will become less frequent. I've met someone else. We're friends. B has met him. Maybe I'll meet boyfriend material someday. I just know I'm not moving on as fast as you did because I'm not looking for a good fuck like you were. Telling me your sex drive was diminishing because it had already peaked was bullshit. You just didn't want me and you didn't have the balls to tell me. But guess what? There's billions of potentials out there. There's always someone better than you. Hell, any man is better than you. You failed me and B. YOU ARE A FAILURE!!! I hate you more than I've ever hated anyone in this world. Guess what tho? I have an awesome support system. You have the Troll and her mom. Gawd knows what story you told her mom. For fuck's sake, you're in your 30s and staying with your little 27 year old girlfriend's mom because you're a loser. Yeah I'm staying with my mom right now but that's your fault. I'll find a new, real man. Idk why you want 50/50 visitation. Who is supposed to watch B when you finally get a job? The Troll? Her mom? I'll fight you tooth and nail over that. The Troll's daughter gets left home alone. I swear, if that happens to B before she's 12, I'm going for full custody and supervised visitation. Personally, I wish you'd just sign over your rights because B is so much better off without you. Both of us are. And no, I don't care if you die. I hate your guts.
From 2007 to 2018 we were together. We had a baby who I will call B. She was born Feb 25th. 10 years later, on her birthday, you left me. You left me for a Troll. I want you to know my mom did a background check on her and she's got identity theft on her record as well as drug charges. I wonder if she told you that? She's a meth addict. You have a wonderful woman around B. I'd like you to stop thinking with your dick and see the big picture. I stood by you thru everything. All the cheating, the homelessness, being a cheap ass and the lies. I was the only one married in our marriage. I took my vows seriously. I loved you with every bone in my body. Remember that time you raped me in 07? I didn't want to and I said no but you wouldn't take no for an answer, so I just layed there like a ragdoll while I was crying inside. That night I learned what "hating your guts" really meant. My love/hate feelings for you grew until the control took over. You were married ...
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