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The Ritual

Ever since Feb 25th, I've been having dreams and nightmares about us. Even tho you are the enemy and there is no "us," in my dreams there still is. I go to bed late and wake up early from these dreams. It's become a ritual. I go to bed, dream, wake up several times and then just finally say fuck it and get up between 1 and 3am. Then I put on some music and have my coffee. I'm sick of these dreams. Maybe when I move on, like I'm trying my hardest to, they will become less frequent. I've met someone else. We're friends. B has met him. Maybe I'll meet boyfriend material someday. I just know I'm not moving on as fast as you did because I'm not looking for a good fuck like you were. Telling me your sex drive was diminishing because it had already peaked was bullshit. You just didn't want me and you didn't have the balls to tell me. But guess what? There's billions of potentials out there. There's always someone better than you. Hell, any man is better than you. You failed me and B. YOU ARE A FAILURE!!! I hate you more than I've ever hated anyone in this world. Guess what tho? I have an awesome support system. You have the Troll and her mom. Gawd knows what story you told her mom. For fuck's sake, you're in your 30s and staying with your little 27 year old girlfriend's mom because you're a loser. Yeah I'm staying with my mom right now but that's your fault. I'll find a new, real man. Idk why you want 50/50 visitation. Who is supposed to watch B when you finally get a job? The Troll? Her mom? I'll fight you tooth and nail over that. The Troll's daughter gets left home alone. I swear, if that happens to B before she's 12, I'm going for full custody and supervised visitation. Personally, I wish you'd just sign over your rights because B is so much better off without you. Both of us are. And no, I don't care if you die. I hate your guts.

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