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6 Hrs

I finally got some decent sleep last night. A whole 6 hours! I really think this blog is helping. I dreamt me, J and R were in New York and gypsies were entertaining us.
No the J doesn't stand for you. J is a real man. J isn't a failure. J doesn't treat me like shit. He treats me well and I really appreciate him.
It's gonna be real hard to trust another guy again. I don't wanna be controlled, I wanna be respected, I wanna be loved for me (not the fucking, head, cooking and cleaning), I want a real man. Do they exist? Right now I can't picture myself with anyone. I have trust issues. Gonna take someone who blows my socks off.
You really did a number on me. My self esteem is back tho. There has only been 4 nights since you left me I didn't have nightmares about you. I can't sleep for shit because when I do, I dream about you. I hate it. I hate that the control is still there. Oh, remember that time you raped me back in 07? Right after we started dating. It was that summer and you wouldn't take no for an answer so I just layed there and cried inside.
The only good thing you gave me was B. The rest was all pure shit. You never once treated me well. I hate you. And when you texted my mom about nobody giving a shit if you live or die, B cares. I'm sure the Troll cares. I sure as fuck wish you were dead.
You paid for sex on a regular basis. You blew thousands of dollars on Asian special massages. Remember that one time you sucked her nipples then came home and kissed me? You're a disgusting pig. You're not a man. You're a whore. All you care about is sucking and fucking. You made me look like a fool and I'll always hate you for that. I stood by you thru everything and this is what you do to me? I should've permanently left your sorry ass after S. Me and B would've made it without you, just like we're doing now. I wish I never would've called you from the doctor and told you I was pregnant. B would be so much better off.
You better not ever come crawling back after the Troll leaves you or you leave her for her continuing to do meth. But you might surprise me and marry her. If that's the case, I feel sorry for her. You cheated on me with her, you'll cheat on her too once she doesn't suck and fuck all the time anymore. You told me your sex drive wasn't there anymore. You just didn't want me. I'm okay with that. But you could've been honest. I'm fucking beautiful and I gave you all my love, all my support, and for what? Nothing but cheating and lies. So fuck you.

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